I'm realizing how many prepositions I missed and it seems fairly clearly now why others saw it as so choppy! I should have taken a few more liberties with it to produce the second version but I was in too much of a rush. My favourite is probably the second Valian one, though elements of the Themsaran were good its just that "singing like murder" ruined it for me. I like the element of sea added to it. -Fauxlosophe (talk) 06:07, 11 September 2013 (CEST)