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Bad Minhast Translations: Difference between revisions
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Meanwhile, in the capital, there was a crisis. Apparently an egg dropped down from a ledge and got smashed. The king sent an army and ordered them to put the egg back together. Don’t ask me why anyone would want to reassemble a broken egg! They could have just thrown it in the trash and make a new batch of egg noodles, but the crazy king sent his army instead to have the medics try surgery on it. Why didn’t he send out the cooking staff? How the f-[REDACTED]-k should I know? Maybe they had budget cuts and had to lay off the kitchen staff so they wouldn’t have to make cuts in the military budget. And so without any royal chefs, they got the hair-brained idea to send a five-star general and the whole friggin’ army to deal with this national crisis. | Meanwhile, in the capital, there was a crisis. Apparently an egg dropped down from a ledge and got smashed. The king sent an army and ordered them to put the egg back together. Don’t ask me why anyone would want to reassemble a broken egg! They could have just thrown it in the trash and make a new batch of egg noodles, but the crazy king sent his army instead to have the medics try surgery on it. Why didn’t he send out the cooking staff? How the f-[REDACTED]-k should I know? Maybe they had budget cuts and had to lay off the kitchen staff so they wouldn’t have to make cuts in the military budget. And so without any royal chefs, they got the hair-brained idea to send a five-star general and the whole friggin’ army to deal with this national crisis. | ||
Well, anyway the king became sad. That’s because the medics couldn’t glue the egg shell pieces together and stuff the egg yolk and egg whites back in. So they gave it a funeral and shouted, “Humpty Dumpty”. I don’t know why the Bananas give eggs funerals, and don’t ask me what a “Humpty Dumpty” is, I’ve never encountered those words while I was studying English in uni. But this is a stupid story anyway, so what does it matter? | Well, anyway the king became sad. That’s because the medics couldn’t glue the egg shell pieces together and stuff the egg yolk and egg whites back in. So they gave it a funeral<ref>I asked where Ikkarem got the idea that there was a funeral. His answer was, "Well what else would a f-[REDACTED] medic do when their patient dies? Harvest the organs? | ||
Donate it to science? It's just a friggin' egg!"</ref> and shouted, “Humpty Dumpty”. I don’t know why the Bananas give eggs funerals, and don’t ask me what a “Humpty Dumpty” is, I’ve never encountered those words while I was studying English in uni. But this is a stupid story anyway, so what does it matter? | |||
Anyways, after Red Robbing Hoodlum ran off and hid in the woods, she got disoriented again and entered another house. There was a grandmother wolf and she was waiting for her grandcubs, but then out of the blue, the little MAGABanana swung open the door and scared the bejeezus out of the grandmother wolf. So much so the Banana almost gave the grandmother wolf a heart attack. Fortunately, her grandcubs came in the nick of time, saw what the Banana did to their poor grandmother, and they nearly mauled her to death. Then the grandmother recovered from her fright, told her grandcubs to step aside, and took a bite herself out of the little juvenile delinquent. Red Robbing MAGABanana then ran off and bumped into the saw-wielding murderer from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre<ref>I | Anyways, after Red Robbing Hoodlum ran off and hid in the woods, she got disoriented again and entered another house. There was a grandmother wolf and she was waiting for her grandcubs, but then out of the blue, the little MAGABanana swung open the door and scared the bejeezus out of the grandmother wolf. So much so the Banana almost gave the grandmother wolf a heart attack. Fortunately, her grandcubs came in the nick of time, saw what the Banana did to their poor grandmother, and they nearly mauled her to death. Then the grandmother recovered from her fright, told her grandcubs to step aside, and took a bite herself out of the little juvenile delinquent. Red Robbing MAGABanana then ran off and bumped into the saw-wielding murderer from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre<ref>While I was talking to Ikkarem about the book, I informed him that Red Riding Hood met an axman, and that power saws didn't exist in those days. Then he told me that didn't make sense since Bananas are too lazy not to use electric and fuel-powered tools. I decided to leave well enough alone.</ref>. Unfortunately, she escaped, but at least she swore never to break into the house of any animal living in the woods ever again.<ref>I asked Ikkarem if he knew he was mixing up the fairy tales. He informed me that he was contracted to translate three stories, but since he received a paltry commission, and given that the author was an asshole, he decided to economize and mash the three stories into one.</ref> | ||
And so they all lived happily ever after. The end. | And so they all lived happily ever after. The end. | ||